Wait, what does Women's Day have to do with the Umbilical cord? Let me explain.
So I have this friend who has been in Bangalore for ages, but we haven't been able to meet. She has a toddler to care for as well, which made the meeting process even more challenging. After thousands of failed plans, my relentless requests, and her giving up on saying "its just too much to get out of the house", we finally met for lunch few days ago. She desperately wanted to get out of the house, so we met at a restaurant near her place. Needless to say, It was magical. Except, this magical spell was constantly broken by the shrill ringing of her phone every now and then. First was her husband, then her mother, then in laws to know if she safely made the 15 min long ride to the restaurant. As if that wasn't reassuring enough, it was followed by multiple texts to check if and when she was leaving for home.
Among the texts, toddler and torture, we barely had 20 mins or so to finish lunch, catch up, watch her fiddle with her phone and shove a few morsels in her toddlers mouth, and book a cab to go home. Her cab arrived, but the driver refused the fare, so we had to cancel and book another one. Her toddler grew restless in the heat and was minutes away from a tantrum, so I offered to book the cab from her phone. Just then, her husband called demanding to know why the cab was cancelled, so did her mom, and so did her in laws. She hastily explained the situation to them, while managing her toddler, diaper bag, and struggling to book another cab. She was so exasperated with the whole situation that she turned around and said, "I told you its too much to get out of the house!".
While I was processing her words, her cab arrived and we said our goodbyes. I stood behind with rage, confusion and shock at how stressful the past hour or so had been for my friend. I understand we live in scary times where women's safety is a very touchy topic, but when did it become O.K. for family members to dump their anxiety on the woman in question and make her feel absolutely worthless? I know there is no malice in the whole thing, and its just genuine concern, but when did it become O.K. to demand answers about her whereabouts? When did it become O.K. to encroach on her time with her friend to calm your anxiety? When did it become O.K. to assume that she is incapable of making decisions, and taking care of the her and her child's safety? When did it become O.K. to strangulate her with your umbilical cord? My friend was tired and housebound, not because she wanted to be, but the people around her made the process of going out so daunting that she had started questioning if it was even worth it!
As I processed these questions, it also occurred to me that my dear friend had also encouraged this behaviour. Technology has certainly made information sharing a lot easier these days, but how much, is too much? Does your family really need to have a minute by minute update of your travel plans, commute and other aspects of life? At some point you have to be the grown up and set boundries on what you want to share, and how much control you give others on your life. You have to stand your ground and not get bulldozed by other peoples expectations, and set the limits to what is appropriate. I think this is even harder for women considering the multiple stakeholders in their lives right from parents, in laws, maids, beauticians and nosy aunties. But, at the end of the day, its your life, your happiness. So you have to take control, and cut the umbilical cord to set yourself free from the shackles expectations.
